Pages of my life :

Who am I?

After 18 years of my life ,I realize I never had time for myself…for my soul…I never helped myself out in things…I never tried to understand myself…what I was,what I wanted or particularly what were my problems,my fears,my needs,my desires!

I always kept on running after people… to help me,to be with me,I never understood this fact that no one out there is yours…I made friends and then when thay betrayed me ,I used to go on blaming them like kids…I never realized that they were never mine…it’s a selfish lot out there…no one really cares what you are!

Your presence won’t make any difference to the world… Its only you to whom your presence really matters!

Sometimes in life we make certain mistakes that haunt us till we die,even though we know that the one above has forgiven us but we are unable to erase the regretful moments,they tear you apart and you just want to cut those undesirable moments from life,but you cant ,this is the point where you become totally helpless and that’s when your frustration begins..first you try to run away from almost everyone..isolate yourself and then when your frustration level rises you try getting closer to the people around you,but its too late then!no one wants you now!no one really cares whether you choose to live or to die and people around, compel you to isolate yourself for the rest of your life,eternal pain,grieve,desolation is all you have then..your soul dies..you really want to end up your life then!

I regretted every moment of my life,I regretted every thought I ever had,I regretted every dream I ever saw,I regretted my presence..i started hating myself for everything I ever did in life and for everything others did to me.

And very soon I realized that I was being a pessimist, Just because I wasn’t able to overcome the feeling ,I was choosing to die rather then sorting out my problems,I was

having a bad approach towards life,I was ruining myself…I wanted to end up because I had a regrettable past?was I such a useless creature?when we don’t really know whom to hate..we start hating ourselves,that was what I was doing,I realized its only me who want to see myself happy,who really cares about my moods and my approach towards things,I was hating the inner me,the one who was meant to be loved..my soul who wanted my love..and what was I doing with it?hating it for no reason?why was I then expecting others to love me?then onwards I started loving my self,I stopped finding refuge in anyone’s company,I tried to find pleasure in my own company!

There is more to this world then people,love,friends..why should I even care for them?I had my own world and I was loving it.

At this stage of my life I admit that I was very wrong at everything and everywhere in my life.I wanted to be with those who didn’t care whether I am with them or not and I was trying to runaway from those who really loved me and cared for me!

My family, my parents, my siblings. I never tried to come closer to them, I never tried to be friends with them..I never tried to let them understand me! I never tried to tell them how much I love and care for them!

Yet they were always there for me..to wipe off my tears, to console me, to make me understand how things worked out.

They are the only valuable assets in my possession.

I wish I could tell them what they mean to me,

I don’t find words to show them my love for them,

I have always been so rude and harsh to them,

I always took their love for granted.

I am really ashamed of myself today!

I have learnt a lot from life yet there is a lot to be learned.

I wish I had the ability to erase my memories maybe then I would be able to lead a normal life.

I really want to change everything but I don’t have a clue how to?

Life is so messed up!

I don’t know where to start from..

But there is always a hopeful star,

And I hope everything will get better soon.

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And they call it life…

There were times in your life when nothing seemed to be going your way, everything you tried doing ended up in a total mess and everything you talked about wont be heard, that was when you felt as an unwanted creature who never seemed to be of some good to anyone and you thought you were the most deprived person in existence and that everyone else except you have a good and fair share of life and that life has been always more than hard on you Life is hard??Yeah it is because you thought so and you make what you think..You never wanted to work for the better things in life, you just wanted that better thing to come out of nowhere and cut off the blue in your life. You so wanted to be a part of the Happy world without making an effort to be a part of it…and today as you think of all those tiring and sick days of your life, you have this sour realization that you had been nowhere, making absolutely no sense for your words, your acts and that you had lost your sanity in the quest of amiable circumstances. Life will no more be dull and boring if you start taking it as one of the most exciting roller coaster rides during which you sometimes feel sick with the twists and turns but at the end of the ride you’re always happy and satisfied with this feeling that you underwent something really exciting… and start believing that you’re one of you kind and bring out the beauty that exists somewhere in your soul, we fail to see it sometimes but it has always been lying within you, waiting for you to discover it and paint the dull canvas of you life with this beauty.I believe that a person has the ability to mold everything into what he wants..it just about believing and trusting yourself,you have to be able to rule yourself,its hard though but you have to somehow bring out the strong person in you,one who can rule you in a good way because there is no reason for you to suffer, you have to rise like a champion against all odds,shine like those stars despite the prevailing darkness and rise like that sun every morning to face the world even though you might not want to do it at times..for the brutality of the pain is not what counts but the dignity and the confidence with which you rise every time you fall is what matters.You have to rise again after every hurdle there ever was because that is what you were taught to do when you were a toddler learning to walk..then why forget you lessons with a single twist in you life? Why not endure everything with patience and tell the world that this obstacle in your life didn’t harm you in anyway and that it just brought out the more refined person in you?? You just need to bring out the positivity in your thoughts consequently all the negativity of this world will just sound like a sweet music, motivating you. We humans are innocent and serene just like those flowers and posses all the beauty they embrace and our hearts are, deep, courageous and pure just like those oceans but our brains can sometimes prove to be a molten lava,if we set it free..So it completely depends upon us as to how we react towards life. Life maybe unfair,but its not the end,make it a fair game with your mindset..Life is beautiful,so are you and youre the most special person existing and you have the courage to beat all the challenges life as in for you as it only challenges those special people who are brave enough to defeat it with all the courage.More than that you are loved by all..not just people but life itself loves you,Love your life,love yourself ,everthing will perfectly fit in your life and all the frustration locked up in your mind will vanish as if it was never there! ..be optimistic to the extent of being called crazy..trust me it feels awesome:)

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